Toward the end of his book, Unbeatable Mind, Mark Divine introduces the expression “embracing the suck” in reference to accepting what is even in the face of great adversity.
The saying comes from the military, and in my own life I can recall multiple occasions where embracing the suck was absolutely necessary, including:
- Shivering all night in a bivouac on a glaciated slope of Mt. Rainier.
- Parachuting into the chaos of a struggling early stage company with unproductive employees and unhappy clients.
- Breaking trail for hours in snow shoes through thigh-deep cover on the standard route to the ridge of Mt. Whitney.
- Being tossed into the freezing rapids of the Broad Heads River in the Poconos on several occasions during a long canoeing trip one late winter day.
- Making a bad hire who disrupted a team, taking responsibility, and dealing with the “process” of cleaning up that mess.
- Regularly getting smashed by guys 50-100lbs heavier in jiu-jitsu sparring.
And as I reflect upon these events of my life, they seem small and inconsequential in comparison to the adversity that Washington, Lincoln, Churchill, Gandhi, and Mandella (to name a few) endured.
I will assert that as leaders if we’re not encountering the suck from time-to-time, then we’re not playing a big enough game. I’ve noticed that when we’re up to something in the world, there are many uncertainties, risks, and challenges. That’s right, folks. In case you haven’t noticed, leadership in any realm (family, community, corporate, nonprofit, government) is not all cotton candy and lollipops.
So right about now, you may be saying: “that’s not right,” and “I need to change the suck,” not embrace it. Not exactly. There’s an important distinction to be made about “changing” vs. “transforming” (I’m grateful to Landmark for helping me finally get this). When we attempt to change something from the perspective of “there’s something wrong here,” we usually get more of the same, albeit in a slightly different form. We call this rearranging the chairs on the deck of the Titanic. When we fully accept circumstances as they are from the perspective that “there’s nothing wrong here,” we can take powerful action from a peaceful state of being.
Some examples may be helpful here:
- Once I accepted the chaos that was that early stage company, I was able to replace the unproductive employees while putting systems and processes in place that delighted 95% of our clients.
- In the case of the bad hire, once I accepted the responsibility for my error in judgment, and fully embraced the disruption that ensued, I was able to create a path for removing the employee from the organization which eventually created a much more harmonious team environment.
I’m not saying this is easy. We have a culture steeped in the ethos of “fixing” what’s wrong. And, it can be difficult to sustain ourselves while we’re embracing the suck. I’ve found that a few things can be helpful during these trying times:
- Stay connected to your purpose and passion.
- Remind yourself of other adversities you’ve overcome in the past.
- Repeat the mantra: “there’s nothing wrong here.”
- Seek advice and help from others.
- From a state of peacefulness, take bold action when called for.