547 Requests for Juice: Annoying or Funny?
Margaret and David discussed the importance of finding gifts and opportunities in difficult circumstances. The topic for this podcast came from a post Margaret wrote for LinkedIn.
The story was about her then-toddler son’s persistent request for juice that felt quite trying at the time, but ultimately became a family joke. Margaret was struck by how sweet and funny it felt in the retelling.
It prompted our hosts to ask: what other episodes from your past might be ready to re-file from difficult to containing a gift or opportunity.
This exercise aligns with their Positive Intelligence coaching program (PQ). The work of PQ, among other things, encourages leaders to overcome self-sabotaging tendencies like being a controller or pleaser. Through the lens of PQ, Margaret wondered if her strong people pleaser back then benefitted from having to say no to her son 547 nights in a row.
What If It’s Really Difficult To Find the Gifts?
The two discussed the challenges of moving on from past relationships and the process of healing from emotional pain. Sometimes, when we look back at a difficult episode or story, it feels only like touching a bruise. It still feels tender and painful.
David reflected on his challenging graduate school experience. The difficult memory has made it a long process for him to find the gifts. Ultimately, this era in his life led to significant personal and professional growth. He realized he didn’t love engineering and made a career shift toward people-oriented roles.
Many people also struggle to let go of relationships that have ended. One way to process is to look back at what we loved about the relationship to create a list of “Things I Want in My Next Relationship.” Conversely, we can add negative aspects to our list of dealbreakers.
David acknowledged his difficulty in seeing the gift in relationships that have ended. He knows ending relationships can open up space for something new, but that still feels more theoretical than gift-like. He talked about still feeling “the tail” that’s left behind, which is really just grief.
Along with the grief, Margaret talks about the way that she sometimes has felt powerless and child-like when she hasn’t been in choice about ending a relationship. She talks about how she’s learning to soothe this historic charge.
Another Opportunity To Practice Self Compassion
David and Margaret discussed the importance of practicing self-compassion. That might be as simple as reminding ourselves that we are human, that something still hurts. It also looks like silencing the voice that tells us we “should” get over something. Self compassion means being kind and gentle to ourselves when we are hurting.
Other helpful tools include curiosity, gentle self-reflection, and patience. Margaret recalled a challenging past episode in her life in which she applied for and did not get a job she really wanted. She talks about the feeling of hating what it felt like at the time, but also being able to trust that there would be something positive that would come from it, even though she couldn’t see what that might be at the time.
How Do I Start Looking for Gifts?
Our hosts offer one more tool for finding gifts and opportunities in difficult circumstances. David introduced the concept of shifting from a “to me” mindset to a “for me” perspective. This might look like asking oneself this inquiry: What if my life was happening FOR me as opposed of TO ME? How might I see this differently?
They also briefly touched on plans for hosting a retreat in Colorado to further explore these themes.
Finally, they discussed the practice of harvesting energy from difficult emotions, rather than denying or repressing them. They explored how anger, for example, can serve as a catalyst for setting boundaries or taking action. They encouraged listeners to try these practices and offered information about an upcoming retreat.