Some time ago I was at an event in New York City where the speaker asked the audience whom they respected as modern-day heroes and heroines? Many fine names came forward including Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Aung San Suu Kyi and Nelson Mandela. Curiously, neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump was mentioned.
As I pondered the question, I was brought back to my childhood where we used to play a game around the kitchen table called: “who’s your hero.” Then, as now, my answer to that question is without hesitation my father, Nino Langiulli.
In modern society, heroes are rarely discussed. You might hear someone mention his or her favorite Marvel Entertainment character at a cocktail party, or your college-aged child may come home for Christmas break sharing how s/he took a fall course on Western Civilization where they were required to “deconstruct” the ancient Greek and Roman heroes as a homework assignment. The very idea of a modern man (or woman) facing grave danger or serious adversity with courage and self-sacrifice for some greater good is considered passe in our culture. And, the notion that a grown man would admire his father for being a hero might be viewed in many circles as quaint (if not peculiar).
I write this post not only as a tribute to my father but also to recognize all current heroes and heroines who martial the character necessary to live virtuous lives in troubling times. In my father’s case, those virtues included (to name just a few):
-Patience (as a husband, father, and teacher he had deep reservoirs of it)
-Courage (to face life in his middle age after the suicide of his younger daughter, and withstand the scourge of systemic cancer, heart disease, and stroke in his later years)
-Wisdom (to use and share his knowledge in the service of right action, and apply good old common sense)
-Moderation (in his prudent use of all resources)
-Compassion (by demonstration of his deep sense of caring for his family, friends, and students)
Nino passed away early morning on 14-October, just a few days after his 85th birthday. We had the opportunity to take him out for dinner a few days before to not only commemorate his birthday but also to celebrate my parent’s 58th wedding anniversary. Both accomplishments in and of themselves are extraordinary.
As we dined with him during what would be his last supper with the family, Nino was alert and he engaged in a lively discussion with us during a traditional mid-afternoon meal at a lovely Italian restaurant where he enjoyed a full plate of linguine with clam sauce (one of his favorites Italian peasant dishes). A few days later on the evening before he died, we spent time with him in his room, as he lay comfortably in bed with his consciousness passing through an intermediate state. We consoled him, held his hand, and stroked his hair. We spoke softly to him (which he was able to acknowledge) and let him know that it was ok to transition. A few hours later, this modern day hero passed away peacefully in his sleep.
Nino Langiulli was (and is) one of the finest men (if not, the finest man) I’ve known. He lived the past 20+ years of his life (post lymphoma) simply and faced death with the same stoic determination that served him well his entire life. He was a leader as a father, husband, and teacher. His contribution is reflected in the lives that he touched and inspired which included 40 years of service as a college professor.
We’ll hold a Catholic Mass for Pop in Naples, FL in the coming days. He will be interred in early November with my sister (Ruthie) and my brother-in-law (Gary) at St. Mary’s in Flushing, Queens where a ceremony for family and friends will be held.
The ancient Greeks understood that mythical heroes were important archetypes to be emulated for the fortification of citizens in the service of a free society. Modern society is no less in need of such archetypes as well as everyday heroes like my father. I do my best every day to emulate him and embody his virtues.
How about you? Who’s YOUR hero, and what are you up to in the world (big or small) that when you look back at the end of your life you can say: “I made a difference”?
C’mon don’t be shy. We need you!
David Langiulli is an executive coach and trainer who helps leaders flourish and thrive.