Empathy is a muscle, so it needs to be exercised.

—Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft

Excerpt from Purposeful Empathy: Tapping Our Hidden Superpower for Personal, Organizational, and Social Change 

Nestled in the Caucasus Mountains, at the intersection of Eastern Europe and Western Asia, is a small country that punches above its weight. Inhabited by Homo erectus since the Paleolithic era, Georgia may have fewer than four million inhabitants but welcomed over seven million tourists in 2019. Archeological evidence reveals that the country has been producing wine since 6000 BC— long before Italy or France. And despite a tiny population, its national rugby team plays in the big leagues, living up to its country’s motto: “Strength in Unity.” [Read more…]

Chapter 6: When All Else Fails — excerpted from WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE?: A Philosophical Guide To Figuring Out What Matters by Valerie Tiberius

Let’s take stock. It’s good for us to be able to do the things that matter to us. We’re not always clear about what matters, or what matters most, or how it matters, and the experience of conflict pushes us to find clarity. We refine our system of values and goals by seeing clearly what they are, adjusting how we go about achieving them, getting rid of the bad stuff, and reinterpreting what our values mean so that we can pursue them together. What do we do when these strategies fail? What can we do about perpetual conflicts that we can’t reduce using any of these methods? Do these failures mean we aren’t on the right path? [Read more…]

An excerpt from the newly published book by Mike Rucker, Ph.D.

I have spent most of my life searching for happiness. It was like a puzzle that I could never quite figure out. As an adolescent, I was a hopeless wannabe with an agonizing desire to find my rank in the social structure of my small hometown of Davis, California. Unhappy at home, I emancipated as a teenager to see if happiness was somewhere out there in the world, waiting for me. It’s been quite a journey since then. [Read more…]

The non-profit leaders I’ve worked with over two decades have numerous attributes in common: deep empathy, infectious passion, and unwavering dedication to their mission and those they serve. We, and I include myself here, have been fueled by purpose, long before such concepts became a mainstay of applied organizational and leadership development. [Read more…]

“Burgundy,” I shout.

“Ochre,” Katrin tosses back.

“Aqua,” I say.

“Sunflower yellow,” she returns. 

“Broccoli metallic!” I offer up, and we dissolve into fits of laughter and cannot continue any further.

It’s the first few minutes of our hour-long meeting to prepare for a workshop, and Katrin and I have started off by playing a game we made up called “Color Duel.” We take turns naming colors until someone repeats a color that’s already named or pauses for more than 5 seconds or we can’t stop laughing. And then the game is over and we get to work. It’s so much fun for us.

[Read more…]

When I was a child my father would say, “Nneka, the good Lord gave you two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you talk.” I can remember as a little girl thinking hard about this and struggling with that part of me that is indeed a talker. As a teen, I often rolled my eyes (out of eyeshot of course!) and allowed his wisdom to run through one ear and out the other. As an emerging adult, I saw this adage as a practice and a way of creating enduring relationships with others. But as I sit amid my middle-aged adult life, I find myself returning to the contemplation of my childhood. I am learning that to listen well to others, I must first be able to hear and listen to myself. Turning the act of listening inward. And as I explore this new truth, I am surprisingly finding deeper wisdom, a rhythm and rest. [Read more…]

I’ve been practicing mindful self-compassion for a while now. It’s a program based on: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook.

This work could not have come at a better time for me.  For most of my adult life, I had a strong inner critic that was harsh and judgmental.  

At one point, I labeled this voice “Sledgehammer” because sometimes it felt like I was beating myself up with one. 

As a result of some work called Positive Intelligence and the exercises in the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, I’ve turned down the volume on that harsh voice.  

[Read more…]

Back in 2019, when I still believed in planning and intention setting, I choose some words for 2020: potent, tender, and raw and real.

Those were good and beautiful words – and ones I still try to live by – but I didn’t bother choosing intention words heading into 2022. (The word for that turns out to be “prescient.”)

But because I am a word person, I do have a word that I want to embrace starting now.

It’s SURFING.

I don’t surf, personally, because I have a deep aversion to getting water up my nose and drowning, both of which seem inevitable when I consider paddling myself out into waves. Yet, there is something about the metaphor of it that feels pretty helpful right now. Sometimes we miss a wave we meant to catch. Sometimes we grab it and get an incredible ride that fills us with lightness and aliveness – even if it threatens to take away our footing. And sometimes, the wave clobbers us. And, then we blow the water out of our nose and climb back onto the board to try again.

And the question is, as leaders and humans, what do we need to reach for to go seek that next wave? [Read more…]

 

In this new year, I’ve been thinking about vulnerability as a strength. About the vital role it plays in emotional intelligence and good leadership. 

My Grandma passed away just before Christmas from COVID. She meant a great deal to me and may have had the single most impact on who I became as a person. I spent many hours at her home when I was young. We read Dr. Seuss books. We sang Burl Ives songs together and worked on puzzles. She bought me mini loaf pans and taught me to make bread. From her, I learned how to plant, harvest, and put up food.

Grandma was strong, smart, tenacious, kind, diligent, committed, thoughtful, and deeply caring. She was also afraid to be vulnerable much of her life. She could be hard, unbending. She always needed to be in control to feel safe. She taught me these things, too. [Read more…]

What is it that defines our innate humanity? 

Growing up with what many would consider severe Cerebral Palsy, great emphasis and attention was placed on my speech, or more precisely, how to make my speech understandable to others. 

This was a perspective taken by many of my doctors, therapists, teachers, and even parents. But nothing catalyzed this purview on life more than an admonishment by my first martial arts teacher after earning my black belt in Budo Taijustu.

“You must be clear and understandable to others if you want to be successful in this world,” he insisted.

As a college student in my early twenties, I had already spent years in pursuit of transforming my voice from what others often perceived a spastic set of disharmonic tones into a cohesive, crisp, and “normalized” pattern of speech. 

It was as if my manifestation of language was somehow incorrect and, simultaneously, it was my sole responsibility to transform it into a format that was understandable to others. Only years later did I realize that my persistent effort toward striving to fit in was ultimately the same effort that not only minimized my humanity but undermined my natural capacity to support others in their own learning. [Read more…]