EP 148: Taking on Challenges

October 4, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

EP 148: Taking on Challenges

00:00 / 28:04

Taking on challenges: what goes into whether you say yes or no?

David and Margaret discussed their experiences with taking on challenges. They talk about how to evaluate their feasibility and impact.

Taking on Challenges: Jumping into Really Cold Water … and a Big Social Media Goal

David shared his experiences with taking on a personal life challenge: to get his black belt in jujitsu. To stay on track, he’s added cold plunging to his recovery regimen– which is an additional challenge.

Margaret discussed her challenge of posting on LinkedIn daily for 30 days. She has been at her desk at 7 a.m. at every day with her challenge group.

They both agreed that leaders tend to default to saying yes to challenges.

But is that always the best answer? It’s essential to consider the consequences.

Leaders Take on Challenges

David and Margaret agreed that leaders often take on challenges, and those challenges can vary greatly. David cites examples of significant leadership challenges taken on by leaders such as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King. On a smaller scale, nonprofit leaders face challenges that might include leading a nonprofit to delivering aid in a crisis to fundraising.

David emphasized the importance of leaders being comfortable with challenges.

In executive coaching, conversations about challenge are common — and can be effective. Sometimes saying yes to a challenge is what helps a client go beyond what they think is possible.

Challenges, Perception, and DISC Personality Traits

David shared a recent occasion when he challenged a client who wanted to reach out to someone. David’s challenge: pick up the phone instead of sending a note. It may seem like a big challenge or a little one, but it was an important growth space for the client to consider.

They also discussed the importance of considering the potential outcomes of a challenge before committing to it.

David may have an opportunity to serve on a non-profit board. Because his default is often yes, he is considering what to do. He hasn’t yet committed.

They also touched on the different personality traits associated with the DISC model. David noted that his high D energy often leads him to challenge himself and others. Margaret, a high I, tends to focus on big ideas and completion can be her challenge. They discussed the challenges faced by individuals with different DISC traits, such as the need for action for an S and the need for more data for an C.

Embracing Challenges for Personal and Professional Growth

What might a coach see that inspires them to challenge a client? It’s not just for the sake of stepping out of a comfort zone. The discomfort of a coaching challenge is in service of leadership growth.

Some examples of when David and Margaret (as coaches) might challenge a client:

To complete a task that will help stretch this client in their growth as a leader or a person
To try something they aren’t yet good at for the sake of building more skill
To step up where a client might be holding back

A challenging task is essential for progress — even if it is uncomfortable or even if it doesn’t go well.

When challenging oneself, it’s crucial to not be 100% attached to the results of the challenge.

Embracing Challenges for Personal Growth and Resilience

David recounted his experience of gradually increasing his time during cold plunges. He initially started with 3 minutes and is now up to 4 minutes. He believes that while the cold water is uncomfortable, it will ultimately lead to personal growth and help him with his black belt.

Margaret agreed, sharing her experience of persevering through a challenge of using LinkedIn every day.

They encourage listeners to identify: where are you playing small? Where might you be willing to take some risk?

Please contact David, Margaret or Michelle if you’d like some support around challenging yourself.

Ep 143: Completion or Decay

May 30, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 143: Completion or Decay

00:00 / 22:27

In this season of graduations, Margaret and Michelle “double-click” on the importance of intentional completion.

They look at when a completion is intentional, as it is with a graduation. Such intentional completions offer ritual and celebration. They also have a positive impact on family members.

And when we look beyond graduation, our culture kind of drops the ball on intentional completions.

Intentional Completion vs. Decay

One gift of completion is that it invites intention.

When we acknowledge and observe completion, there is an invitation to say goodbye to what is finished and look at what’s next. Michelle shares the ways she and her husband are looking at their next chapter and asking, “What do we want?”

When we “ghost” or ignore the end of something rather than its completion, it can decay. This can happen when we stay too long in relationships, jobs, phases of life, or places.

How Do We Know We’ve Stayed Too Long?

Graduations and school offer predictable and reliable completion. However, when we move on in life, it can be less clear when an activity is finished.

It’s not always obvious, but if we tune in, we might know more.

Feeling deep resistance or avoidance to work or spending time with people might be one sign.

Michelle shares that clients might be avoiding completion when they start asking, “What have I even accomplished here?” Questions like that suggest that the client no longer feels purpose in their work, which is another sign that it might be time to complete.

On Arcs

Margaret and Michelle explain the concept of an arc, which is the shape of a thing from beginning to end.

One example: most of us notice when a speaker goes past their arc. It starts to get boring or have diminishing returns. Similarly, we know when a movie sequel was ill-advised. We feel they should have left the story alone.

Those are examples of how we know an arc is done.

The challenge is to pay the same attention to our own lives.

The In-Between

Michelle and Margaret note that ending an arc can be complicated. Also, sometimes, starting a new arc is not simple. It can include some serious learning.

As an example, Margaret shares that her grown son has stopped home for a while, and there is a new arc for her as a parent of an adult. Her learning is to relate with this new adult, rather than her habit of parenting the 14-year-old version of him.

When we finish an arc and start a new one, it can feel overwhelming and confusing. Margaret and Michelle challenge listeners to think about how to create from the overwhelm and chaos of transition.

Do you need some help getting through a transition? Does the idea of decay resonate with you? Please reach out for support.

Ep 142: Handling Rejection and Embracing New Perspectives

May 8, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 142: Handling Rejection and Embracing New Perspectives

00:00 / 20:32

In this episode, Margaret and David delve into handling rejection and embracing new perspectives.

No one likes getting a no. Not during a fundraising ask. Not during a potential sale. And not from a request to a family member.

Sometimes, after getting a run of no’s, we feel like we should be due for a yes. But that’s not how probabilities work. So, when the yes doesn’t happen, we can feel really disappointed and defeated.

Margaret shares a recent struggle with business development and how she got a bit demoralized when it felt like she was “collecting no’s.”

So, how is one supposed to feel better?

How Perspectives Work

We often can’t control other people’s responses. We often are at the mercy of situations.

But what we can control is how we choose to experience the circumstance. This is what we mean by choosing a perspective.

A perspective is a way of seeing things. Sometimes, we get stuck in a perspective, but a different outlook would serve us much better.

Exploring alternative perspectives is a valuable tool in coaching.

Leadership Vs. Sports Coaching

David and Margaret talk about how leadership coaching differs from sports coaching.

When we coach clients, sometimes we let clients sit in their current perspective before guiding them towards a new one. That’s in contrast to unskillful sports coaching techniques, where a coach tells the team how to feel.

They stressed the importance of empowering clients to choose their perspectives as a source of control.

A Sample Coaching Session on Perspectives

David offers Margaret some coaching on perspectives.

Margaret shared that sometimes when she collects a lot of no’s in a row, she starts standing in the perspective of Eeyore, the depressed donkey from Winnie the Pooh.

David coached her in reframing her thinking pattern from feeling defeated to focusing on hope and possibility. Margaret found solace in returning to yoga as a positive influence on her outlook. After months of being prevented from practicing by injuries, it felt to her like a turn-around moment.

Trust, belief, and hope emerged as central themes of Margaret’s new outlook, symbolized by waves on the ocean. She expressed her commitment to continuing and enhancing her business endeavors.

She likened trust to surfing, knowing waves will come and go — just like the yeses and the no’s. But holding onto the perspective of being atop an optimistic wave underlined the essence of shifting perspectives in coaching interactions.

Need some help finding a new perspective? We can help. Please reach out to one of us.

Ep 141: Discover the Secret to Silence the Inner Critic

April 23, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 141: Discover the Secret to Silence the Inner Critic

00:00 / 18:13

It was an unexpected twist. A seemingly benign LinkedIn training sent Margaret and David into a spiral to silence the inner critic.

Here’s what happened.

Margaret and David attended what promised to be a mundane topic: a training on how to write better posts on LinkedIn.

David left the training beating himself about all he was doing wrong.

His inner critic, nicknamed “The Sledgehammer,” was having its way with him.

When that Inner Critic is railing, there is suffering.

So, how does one even begin to silence the Inner Critic? By which we mean that relentless voice within that can

dash hopes,
crush spirits, and
dismantle even the most inspired of dreams.

In this episode, David, Michelle, and Margaret share their quest to discover the secret to shushing this voice in our minds.

We Don’t Judge ONLY Ourselves

Margaret had a different experience with the training from David’s.

She started by getting locked out of the paid training. She was angry at the host, the trainer, and, by extension, the content of the training.

Acutely aware of falling ‘below the line’ emotionally, Margaret judged others.

Queue: Margaret’s Inner (and Outer) Critic.

Michelle didn’t make it to the training, as she had a conflict.

She talks about “the Blob,” a voice in her mind that made her afraid of missing out on something.

Her critic started telling her she should have made the time to attend live. That’s called judging a circumstance.

The Inner Critic can lurk in unexpected places. (A LinkedIn training? Come on!)

But when it rears its head, it can have a field day. It has us judge — and find wanting — ourselves, others and circumstances.

A Simple but Profound Exercise

Margaret led the trio through a self-compassion practice, which offers a way to reframe the narrative. When we use self-compassion to step out of the shadow of criticism, we can find the light of acceptance.

This simple yet profound exercise counters the inner monologue of harsh self-judgment.

Empathy, self-compassion and quieting that Inner Critic are components of the Fundraising Leadership Positive Intelligence Coaching. This intensive 7-week program can help foster empathy within your life and organization.

Ready to transform your leadership with the practice of self-compassion?

Contact David, Michelle, or Margaret to learn how the Positive Intelligence Coaching Program helps you quiet that nasty, pestering voice that tears you down.

Your team, your organization, and your future self will thank you.

EP 140: Coaching for Accountability

April 5, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

EP 140: Coaching for Accountability

00:00 / 18:09

Coaching for Accountability

What happens when a coach holds a client’s feet to the fire?

And the follow-up question might reasonably be, “Why would anyone sign up for that??”

Actually, accountability — which can feel a lot like having someone hold our feet to the fire — is one of the many tools coaches use to help clients make the change they long for.

In this episode, David and Michelle delve into the empowering value of engaging with a coach, particularly around accountability.

Having a professional coach by your side can empower you to uncover and overcome limiting beliefs, achieve life and work goals, and confidently navigate uncertainty and ambiguity.

Coaching can help clients make the journey from where they are to where they urgently long to be.

The Importance of Coaching for Transformation

What does it look like when a coach offers a client a challenge?

A challenge offered by a coach can be a facet of accountability. The role of a coach is to invite clients to explore their own limiting beliefs. Sometimes these beliefs take some digging to find and can be uncomfortable to uncover. But often, when clients accept this challenge, they discover what’s been holding them back.

Michelle shares that for her and often her clients, sometimes limiting beliefs get so loud that we can no longer stand to hold them.

The coach creates a safe environment for a client when they are ready to stretch into something new.

They concurred on the significance of coaching in aligning with clients and providing accountability and challenges for individuals to practice new behaviors. Coaching can helping individuals define and achieve new goals.

Coaching for Personal Growth and Development

Michelle shared that she realized it was time for a coach as she was entering a new stage of her life and career and feeling unsure about her next steps.

In the Fundraising Leadership team members’ training, we learned to help clients articulate what they really want and help them get clear that they are ready to go after it. And often, the path is hard, even after we decide. A coach can help us slay our dragons (or saboteurs) along the way.

David affirmed the value of coaching in his own life, particularly for dealing with uncertainty and the ‘what ifs’. It’s also a great tool for people who aren’t having the impact they want to be having.

They both emphasized the importance of finding the right coach for a personal and dynamic relationship, suggesting that anyone feeling stuck or unsure should contact them for a conversation.

Ep 139: The Practice of Forgiveness

March 21, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 139: The Practice of Forgiveness

00:00 / 26:30

Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness Discussion

Do you have a pain in your neck? Any chance it’s related to the practice of forgiveness?

In this episode, David and Margaret share their insights on the practice of forgiveness. They focus particularly on self-forgiveness. Drawing from his experience managing self-criticism, David reveals how forgiveness has been a transformative practice for him. And they observe that most people have a very narrow relationship with and understanding of forgiveness.

So, does forgiveness mean MORE than just letting other people off the hook?

They delve into the concept of how many of us have ‘collapsed’ past events that caused regret or pain. But forgiveness gives us a tool to ‘un-collapse’ those things.

They touch on the idea that forgiveness could provide relief from self-judgment and the inner critic, a struggle many of us can relate to.

Discussing Empathy and Forgiveness Distinctions

During the conversation, David and Margaret identify three distinctions: empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. When we don’t practice these ideas, and operate with more harshness than compassion, we often find ways to “stuff” down emotional pain.

Spoiler alert: their preference for stuffing down emotional pain involves chocolate chip cookies.

Forgiveness as a Self-Care Tool

David and Margaret highlight the practice of forgiveness as a powerful self-care tool and a means of letting go of negative emotions. They underscore that forgiveness is a process that involves empathy and compassion, or a willingness to feel another’s pain and to relieve suffering. It requires a “doing” and action to practice forgiveness.

Importantly, they emphasize that forgiveness does not necessarily involve forgetting or excusing the actions of others but rather allowing oneself to move on from past hurt. They also share the hopeful perspective that forgiveness can significantly benefit mental health and overall well-being. It has a lot of potential.

Forgiveness, Emotional Burdens, and Release

David shares a personal account of his father’s struggle with self-forgiveness and the ultimate impact it had on his health. The story touches on carrying emotional burdens, such as guilt or shame, and the need to release them. Margaret shares a personal account of her parenting experience, and how, when she revisited that episode, she found that she needed to forgive herself as much as her son.

Forgiveness Practice Creates Space for Love

Margaret emphasizes that the practice of forgiveness creates space in the heart and mind for love and for shedding negative emotions like bitterness and resentment.

Ep 138: Master the Art of Coaching

March 12, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 138: Master the Art of Coaching

00:00 / 21:24

Master the Art of Coaching: Essential Skills for Leaders

Leadership is no longer defined by barking orders and expecting compliance; in today’s dynamic work environments, the leaders who stand out are the ones who master the art of coaching. Coaching is a subtle yet powerful art of guiding, not directing, and helping individuals and teams to reach their full potential. While it may sound simple, effective coaching requires distinct skills and principles.

In this episode, Michelle and David unpack the secrets behind great coaching and explore how mastering coaching techniques can transform leaders into catalysts for growth and innovation.

Whether you’re an aspiring leader, an experienced manager, or an executive, understanding and implementing these coaching essentials will redefine your leadership approach and your teams’ success.

Defining Coaching: What It Is (And Isn’t)

Before we discuss the specifics of coaching, capturing its true essence is vital. Coaching is not consulting or mentoring. Its core is rooted in a process where the coach facilitates the client’s (coachee’s) thinking. It’s about asking the right questions to help clients explore challenges, set goals, and discover or unlock their solutions. Unlike consulting or mentoring, coaching refrains from giving direct advice or steering the problem-solving process.

The Power of Open-Ended Inquiry

At the heart of coaching lies the ability to ask open-ended questions. These questions cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Open-ended inquiries encourage expansive thinking and problem resolution. This technique digs deeper into an individual’s thought process, challenges assumptions, and creates innovative strategies.

Active Listening and Empathy

Coaches are active listeners. This means not just hearing words but also understanding emotions and unspoken messages. Active listening is paired with empathy. Coaches build trust and create a safe space for the coachee to express themselves fully.

Championing and Challenging

A great coach balances support with challenge. The support comes from championing the coachee’s ambitions and boosting their confidence. Challenging involves:

Pushing them beyond their comfort zones.
Inviting them to consider new perspectives.
Examining their thought processes.

This balance helps individuals experience growth on their terms and at their own pace.

Leveraging Strengths and Resources

Coaching is future-focused, emphasizing leveraging a coachee’s strengths and available resources. A strengths-based approach empowers individuals by focusing on what they’re naturally good at, while resource utilization ensures that solutions are practical and implementable within existing constraints and opportunities.

The Dynamics of Leadership Coaching

Coaching isn’t a one-size-fits-all activity; the dynamics drastically change when coaching leaders. Leaders who coach need to operate from a place of equality. They’re facilitators who guide other leaders through their professional challenges. This shift in coaching dynamics helps leaders offload their anxieties and rethink their strategies with fresh perspectives.

The Art of Compassionate Inquiry

Leaders who coach use compassionate inquiry to guide their teams. Compassionate inquiry involves inquiring into individuals’ and teams’ experiences with a gentle yet insistent curiosity. It respects the emotional nuances of the work environment and uncovers the deeper reasons behind behaviors and decisions, leading to more effective coaching.

Embedding a Coaching Culture in Your Organization

One-on-one coaching is powerful; an organization committed to a coaching culture is transformational. For leaders who want to take coaching beyond their practice, embedding a coaching culture is the next step. This involves training more people within the organization as coaches and orienting the company towards a coaching mindset, enhancing communication, collaboration, and problem-solving.

The Road to Ongoing Self-Development

Finally, one of the most critical aspects of mastering coaching skills is recognizing that it’s a continuous learning process. Leaders who coach never stop learning; they always seek to improve, learn new techniques, and expand their awareness. Self-development is not just about being a better coach; it’s about being a better leader and, most importantly, a better human being.

Coaching is a multifaceted skill set that takes time and practice to perfect. Leaders can create more engaging, empowering, and productive work environments by incorporating the essentials outlined in this podcast.

Remember, coaching is not about having all the answers—it’s about asking the right questions and empowering others to discover the answers within themselves. Leaders who understand and apply these principles are poised to inspire innovation, foster autonomous high performance, and support their teams in reaching new heights.

Ep 136: Incompletions and Their Impact

February 8, 2024 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 136: Incompletions and Their Impact

00:00 / 21:45

After Margaret shows up for an early morning recording with bed head, she and David launch into a conversation about “big hair” and the 1980’s… (yes: Dune AND Joan Jett!) and, stay with them here: This really does lead to a leadership topic.

It’s a fun (and funny) conversation about a decade that had a lasting impact on the current culture, regardless of your generation or whether you lived through it or not. It was a decade when both David and Margaret were coming of age, and they look back at the era through their lens of “now,” as leaders, grown ups, and people with more skills than they had as teenagers.

The conversation turns to the leadership topic of “incompletions” — and how unfinished business from the past can impact our current lives and relationships.

And they look back on some of the things from their past lives that didn’t feel complete or quite finished.

Margaret, just back from an informal high school reunion, shares about revisiting a relationship over the weekend to share something she hadn’t shared before with a man she dated senior year. And by revisiting, there was a sweeter completion than there had been when they graduated and parted ways.

And David and Margaret wonder, what do leaders do when they feel the urge to walk out? What are the merits of staying versus leaving early? And if we chose walking out in the past, can we still complete unfinished business in the present?

David and Margaret believe that yes, a lot is possible to complete now — even for incomplete past episodes in our lives. David gives several examples of ways he does that regularly, including a recent “thing” with his wife and daughter, when he had to go back later and clean up to feel complete after a hard conversation.

Need some skill and support to clean up something from your past or to feel complete? Please reach out to one of us to schedule a coaching consultation.

Ep 135: Confronting Failure

December 18, 2023 by David Langiulli

Fundraising Leadership

Ep 135: Confronting Failure

00:00 / 22:10

Most of us set goals. Whether to finish our studies, get a promotion, meet a deadline for a project, or achieve a sales or fundraising target. But what happens when we fail to achieve what we aim for? We can sometimes feel disappointed, discouraged, and even ashamed. However, contrary to popular belief, failing to achieve a goal is sometimes a good thing. In this podcast, David shares with Margaret how he recently failed to achieve an objective, how he handled it, and why such failers are essential for our growth and development.

Margaret and David also discuss how Hyper-Achievers routinely avoid setting audacious goals they may not achieve and how our Positive Intelligence Program can help you if you sabotage yourself in this way.

The Power of Positive Intelligence and Dealing with Unachieved Goals

December 13, 2023 by David Langiulli

Have you ever set a goal for yourself, worked incredibly hard to achieve it, but still came up short? It can be an unpleasant experience for some of us. Not achieving the target you set for yourself can be a tough pill to swallow. However, failing to achieve a goal can be the launching pad for future success for some individuals.

In this blog post, I’ll explore the power of Positive Intelligence and how it can help hyper-achievers deal with unachieved goals.

I hope you can learn from my recent experience, where I trained hard and aimed to win the World No-Gi Jiu-Jitsu Championships in my division but came up short. [Read more…]