Fundraising Leadership ™

Executive Coaching, Leadership Training, and Personal Development

The I’s ALMOST Had It: 2022 Was the Year Integration Tried – but Didn’t Quite – Carry the Day

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Last week, I observed my one-year anniversary of having Covid … by getting sick again. I can’t tell you if it was a flu or RSV or the “C” one. I can tell you that I got my tree up, and before I could hang lights or ornaments, the fever set in.

As I hunkered down on my couch for the next several days, eyeing the reminder of a half-completed task, the magnetic pull towards Pity Party (also known, in PQ parlance, as a hijacking by my Victim Saboteur) was so strong. One year ago, I spent Christmas day alone, quarantined, my house unloved, unvisited, and undecorated – my season like an adult Seussian book where the Covid Grinch stole my wreath as well as my fondue and my red wine.

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Fundraising and Leadership, Sure. But What Do You DO?

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Janice, Michelle, Margaret and David in a Zoom box

When people ask one of us what we do for work, we might answer with genuine joy: “I’m a coach” or “I train nonprofit leaders.” And we are super clear on what we do and, to a team member, believe deeply in the impact of our work.  But recently one of us was talking to someone who ostensibly knows what we do, as she is a listener of our podcasts and reader of our blogs. And she said, “I know what you guys do, and also, I actually have no idea. What is it that you do for nonprofits?”

And so we decided that her question was a good one, and worth answering. And we want to do that and also add another question we want to answer for you today: How are our clients different and better after they have engaged with the Fundraising Leadership team? [Read more…]

All About Gaslighting: How Gaslighting OURSELVES Is NOT a Leadership Skill

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It was a lot of years ago, but it’s still a story I tell: I was skiing fast, right at my edge, which is on the high side. I snagged my ski in a bit of soft snow and went down hard onto my shoulder and my head. It was the second day in my life that I ever wore a helmet, inspired by my then-young children who wondered, reasonably, why I made them wear helmets when I didn’t sport one myself.

Despite my new red helmet (decorated lovingly by my children with cool alien stickers), I hurt myself pretty badly. In fact, I later – like a couple days later – learned that I had a severe concussion and a broken arm, but, believe it or not, I popped up out of that snow immediately, attuned only to my bleeding fat lip.

I skied down, took the lift back up and went to lunch. I was having a little trouble carrying my tray, but still didn’t accept the fact that I was hurt. I headed down, again on my own power, only a bit dizzy. Later, I went out to dinner, but couldn’t eat because I felt like throwing up.

Maybe it was the head injury that kept me in such an abysmal absence of self-care (I only went to the doctor two days later and only then because my boss sent me, noticing that I wasn’t functioning well). But I’m sharing this story again now because self-care seems like a really important topic in this moment. It’s been a summer of chaos: news stories that have led to despair and grief, travel that has been long-anticipated and difficult, more Covid … Maybe more reality than many of us want or welcome. [Read more…]

Surfing the Uncertainty: Lessons about Leadership from the South Pacific

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Back in 2019, when I still believed in planning and intention setting, I choose some words for 2020: potent, tender, and raw and real.

Those were good and beautiful words – and ones I still try to live by – but I didn’t bother choosing intention words heading into 2022. (The word for that turns out to be “prescient.”)

But because I am a word person, I do have a word that I want to embrace starting now.

It’s SURFING.

I don’t surf, personally, because I have a deep aversion to getting water up my nose and drowning, both of which seem inevitable when I consider paddling myself out into waves. Yet, there is something about the metaphor of it that feels pretty helpful right now. Sometimes we miss a wave we meant to catch. Sometimes we grab it and get an incredible ride that fills us with lightness and aliveness – even if it threatens to take away our footing. And sometimes, the wave clobbers us. And, then we blow the water out of our nose and climb back onto the board to try again.

And the question is, as leaders and humans, what do we need to reach for to go seek that next wave? [Read more…]

2021 Year-End Thoughts and Musings: What Just Happened?

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Brought to you by the Fundraising Leadership Team  

Photo collage of the Fundraising Leadership team members

Margaret: Can We Stop Talking About “The New Normal”, And Try Instead To “Live in Liminal”?

Last month, I celebrated the American Thanksgiving with my two sons and one of their friends. Since the end of my marriage two years ago, I have been deeply resistant to holidays. Ours is a family that loved and valued traditions – and I couldn’t quite let go of the tradition of the four of us all being at the table. So, for the past two years, we’ve found a way to combine forces.

This has had the positive effect of no one needing to have a major holiday without our sons. However, as anyone who’s ever had a relationship end also knows, it’s had many tick marks in the “negative” column, too.  My kids have reported – with accuracy – that it has felt tense and awkward. One of my sons even said it felt like there was something decaying in the room – the decomposing space of a marriage that hadn’t been allowed to burn fully to ash so that something new might (or might not) be possible.

This year, my ex-husband wisely said: let’s not. And he resourced himself with other family members, and I got to spend the day cooking and enjoying a meal of gratitude with my grown sons.

And I realized, the morning after Thanksgiving, as I finished putting away the wine glasses and reflected on a great night, what I had been missing out on by holding onto the comfort and familiar of what’s now the old. We had a lovely night, in which I got treated to my sons’ culinary talents and adventure (deep fried turkey!), as well as a way we danced together during cooking and cleaning that was as delightful as it was oddly unexpected. This is a new way my family looked this year, and even though it is likely to change without notice, I loved it. And I have taken years to be open to this delightful new version. [Read more…]

What Happened When I Cracked My Rose-Tinted Glasses

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Close up of a blue eyeSometimes seeing the person that is actually standing in front of me – rather than the person I wish were there – feels like standing in the rain with a painting I spent my whole life perfecting, watching all the colors run down my legs and into the street.

It is an experience of grief.

Many of us could use some exercise around reconciliation of humans, even though it can be excruciating. Sometimes the reconciliation can be required for a spouse or a parent – or even a child.  Sometimes, it is articulating that a job you’ve longed for isn’t sustainable, isn’t as described, or is tainted by a boss who feels ogre-like.

Many of us, especially in the nonprofit and fundraising worlds, have some Pleaser saboteur in us. By definition, we have deep reservoirs of hope and idealism. We have it in our DNA, some of us, to see people as good, to look for their shiny and their silver linings. And many of us don’t like rocking the boat, so we make excuses or silently endure the parts of others that are jagged or mean. [Read more…]

Some Pants Are Better To Travel Without

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I want to talk about Traveling Pants – but I don’t mean the same thing as the young adult series of books.  Those were about an actual pair of jeans that miraculously fit four totally differently shaped friends (really, now that I think about it, perhaps these books were magic realism as much as YA fiction) and connected them to each other.  I am talking about a metaphoric pair of pants or jeans that actually might fit one of your friends – but certainly don’t fit you.

Ultimately, some pants are better to travel without.

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Three Skills That Make You a Better Fundraiser

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 I am having a conversation with a potential donor. I love the initiative I’m fundraising for, but the meeting is not going particularly well. It isn’t my first meeting with this person, but I don’t feel like we are connecting today.

I spent a ridiculous number of hours prepping for this meeting because I thought this guy would have many questions for me. Nope. Nada. Zilch. And I had a whole script prepared, but it doesn’t feel right anymore.

I suspect I’m losing his attention. His cell phone is face down on the table; he hasn’t picked it up yet, but he’s looking at it longingly.

Even seasoned fundraisers can have rough meetings, meetings where our plans to present our worthy work go off the rails.  Coaching skills can help during these difficult situations

Our culture seems to agree.  Coaching skills are suitable for anyone who manages people, leads teams, and … is on the frontline of fundraising.

There are three skills that make you a better fundraiser (and leader). [Read more…]

Is Your Money Story Affecting Your Ask?

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Spoiler alert: I strongly believe that the answer to the question in the title is YES.  And not only that, but there’s a decent chance the impact your money story is having isn’t pretty.

So, what is a money story, exactly?

Most of us learn “stories” about money from the Big Three Influencers: our families, our communities and our churches (and other religions). Sometimes the messages are lovely, about sharing and abundance and villages raising children.  MUCH more often, people are taught that money is scarce, that it must be earned with sweat, that it is infused with power, that it is linked to greed and evil. They learn that money is something others have more of, and that it creates imbalance. They learn that there isn’t enough.  They learn that it comes with strings attached.  They learn that asking for it is bad. [Read more…]