Fundraising Leadership ™

Executive Coaching, Leadership Training, and Personal Development

Ep 165: Permission to Retreat

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Ep 165: Permission to Retreat
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When was the last time you gave yourself permission to retreat?

In this thoughtful episode, David and Margaret explore the transformative power of stepping away. During the recording of the podcast, David was mid-way through his own retreat. He took  a few days for himself to travel to the mountains of Colorado (one of his favorite spots) to enjoy the changing leaves and some quiet time.

Our hosts explore some of the many ways of going on retreat—whether it’s escaping to mountain solitude, better sleep rhythms, or setting aside time for creativity.

How Do You Know It’s Time To Take Some Time?

Last month, the daylight rhythms switched so that there are more dark hours than hours of light each day. Margaret shares that she had a conversation on the solstice which invited us to find permission to curl up and enjoy the pull towards stillness that can accompany shorter days.

David chose to plan some time away after he noticed having a strong urge to have a change in climate and environment. He knows that giving himself permission to get away puts fuel in his tank.

Margaret knows it’s time to schedule some quiet time when she recognizes when her capacity for joy starts to diminish and she starts to avoid tasks that feel boring or challenging (more than usual).

Is There Such a Thing as a “Sleep Retreat”?

David swears by eight (or more) hours of sleep (and the science behind it). Our hosts wonder: could listeners benefit from commiting to a weeklong or even a weekend “retreat” that includes a commitment to 8 hours of sleeping?

David is a fan of beginning his night when the sun goes down.

Other Ideas To Retreat — Even from Home

David and Margaret explore how even brief retreats can restore your creative spark — even if travel or solitude for several days is not possible. Here are a few of their ideas:

  • Say no to something in service of honoring your Inner Introvert
  • Journaling
  • Walking in nature or spending an afternoon on the beach or near a lake or stream
  • Saying yes to connection and deep conversation with good friends
  • Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way offers many creative suggestions to retreat to self
  • Painting, knitting, making soup — or other activities that feel relaxing or restorative
  • Watching movies that make us laugh or move us can be an escape OR curling up with a book — whatever feels like a better choice for you!

If Your Team Needs Time Away Together …

Our hosts also suggest that if your team needs a rejuvenating experience, they work in organizations seeking to build trust through organizational retreats. Through shared experiences and intentional boundaries, we can cultivate an environment where rest becomes a catalyst for growth and creativity. These moments of pause can rejuvenate not just individuals but entire teams, fostering a culture of innovation and resilience.

When we create moments for reflection and rejuvenation, we lay the groundwork for more meaningful contributions to both personal and professional spheres. The harmony between rest and action becomes a delicate but rewarding balance that sustains us over time.

In conclusion, our hosts invite listeners to think about how they might slow down in service of clarity, rest and perspective.

Ep 164: The Great Collision

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Ep 164: The Great Collision
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Margaret and David welcome guest Graeme Watt, a principal at Anthem Creative, to discuss the “Great Collision” of tech and traditionally late adopters in the nonprofit sector. Graeme’s career has straddled both nonprofit and for-profit work — and has kept a close eye on the adoption of technology — or lack thereof — that may portend big problems in the nonprofit space.

Graeme asks the question, “Will tomorrow be more digital than it is today?” If the pace of digital transformation continues to accelerate, as it promises to do, it will have some significant  implications for nonprofit leaders.

The “great collision” refers to the multiple technological revolutions, any one of which alone would be transformative. But multiple revolutions are happening at once. Graeme discussed the rapid advancements in AI, blockchain, digital currencies, humanoid robotics, and biotechnology, all of which are emerging and all of which are likely to have implications for fundraising organizations and society.

AI In Fundraising?

Most of us are at least beginning to understand the personal applications of AI. Our hosts explore how these technologies could be applied within nonprofit organizations.

Idea #1: Nonprofit Efficiency

Graeme notes that in most nonprofit settings, the mission is large and the resources are few. That leads to considering how the potential of AI to automate administrative tasks might improve efficiency for nonprofit organizations. How might AI allow staff to focus on donor relationships and mission-critical work that is best done by humans?

David wonders about how AI tools might aid in data analysis and donor management. He opines that having tools to streamline call report processes, something that could convert handwritten or voice-recorded notes into digital files for easier database entry, would be a great example of using AI for fundraising in a way that frees up humans.

Idea #2: Using Tech To Improve Donor Retention 

Graeme discussed the challenges of donor retention in the nonprofit sector and highlighted the potential of technology and automation to create a “donor journey.” He emphasized how AI could be a great tool to help personalize donor experiences with interactions, surveys, etc., about their preferences and articulating what they care most about. AI could then use these preferences to nurture donors from their first gift so that they continue giving.

David agreed and added that automation could be beneficial for both annual and major gift donors, though human interaction remains crucial for major gifts.

They also touched on the use of technology for donor prospecting and qualifying donors for major giving conversations.

Idea #3: Refining Donor Engagement

Graeme discussed the implementation of new digital fundraising tools that use SMS and text messaging to improve donor engagement and qualification for major gifts. It’s going much better —  achieving higher completion rates — than traditional email methods.

Margaret shares that she has learned many new ways to use AI personally in conversations with friends who use it creatively. She suggests that nonprofits could benefit from sharing more AI applications and use cases to foster collaboration. To that end, Graeme plans to launch a podcast on that very topic, highlighting use examples to facilitate knowledge exchange.

In case your imagination hasn’t yet been stretched, Graeme shares that in board governance and fundraising, he’s been following an autonomous AI agent serving as an advisor and ambassador for Rainforest-alliance.org.

Idea #4: Can AI Replace or Assist Events?

While many fundraisers agree that events and galas may not be the best or most efficient way to raise money, they may retain an important role in human connection. Our hosts encourage “gala killing” when appropriate, and considering how more and more effective digital campaigns might yield more gifts.

But if nonprofits are having events, Graeme encourages listeners to think about using digital tools to extend the impact of live events, engaging more donors post-event.

Something To Try

Graeme shared a practice from his company. where they have introduced an “AI Hour” as a way to encourage staff to explore and utilize AI tools. This practice has increased productivity and reduced fear around AI. Graeme suggested that nonprofits consider adopting a similar program and include a digital plan and corresponding budget in their financial planning.

Ep 163: Naming the Elephant in the Room

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Ep 163: Naming the Elephant in the Room
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What is the impact of ignoring versus naming the elephant in the room?

Margaret reported that she had hoped to feel energized and rested after the 3-day Labor Day weekend. But thanks to a run-in with a (metaphoric) elephant, that’s not what happened.

In this episode, David and Margaret share how those elephants — in this case, unspoken emotions — can impact us. They explored the challenges and benefits of naming the elephant in the room.

To Name or Not To Name: Emotions in Group Settings

Margaret shared how she spent part of the long weekend: attending a 95th birthday party for Margaret’s partner’s grandfather. She reported that the occasion left her both joyful … and exhausted. Despite the sweetness and celebration of the occasion, at which the birthday celebrant was grateful and remarkably present and sharp, Margaret felt a proverbial unnamed elephant in the room.

She and her partner later reflected on the elephant, which was much unspoken sadness and anticipatory grief that many of the family members present at the gathering seemed to be feeling, even though the occasion was technically cheerful. The birthday man was one of the few who openly acknowledged the event’s significance given his age — and the fact that there might not be too many more parties like this one for his birthday.

David suggested that sometimes naming emotions in such situations is clarifying and helps people process them. Naming unspoken truths and emotions is generally a good strategy, in safe contexts, but it also depends on who is present.

Margaret expressed uncertainty about whether others at this specific party would have been comfortable with such openness.

They explored the broader question of how to address elephants in the room and agreed that naming emotions is generally helpful — even if such naming might first create discomfort and vulnerability before it creates safety.

What About Organizational Elephants?

David and Margaret discussed the challenges and benefits of addressing unspoken fears and emotions in organizational settings.

There is a lot of anxiety on many of the fundraising teams and leaders our hosts speak with. Many are worried about missing goals and falling short.

In an organizational setting, it falls often to the leader to take the initiative and share their own fears first. They explored how when a leader names and acknowledges their own feelings, particularly through personal “I” statements, it can create safety and encourage open dialogue with others on the team.

They noted how rare this approach is in organizational cultures, in part because for such conversations to be effective, there must be high levels of trust. David has worked with a team that did reach this level of trust, and they were able to be vulnerable and “clear” what was on their minds. He recalls how sharp that exercise made them, and how present they could be to the business at hand after they cleared.

Building Trust and Resolving Conflict

David and Margaret discussed the importance of addressing and managing difficult emotions and issues within teams big and small. They share about their own experiences when such exercises turned out to be a very important use of the time — sometimes more important than the pre-existing agenda. They shared personal experiences of how acknowledging and processing emotions can lead to more productive meetings and better team dynamics.

If your team needs help creating a culture that has the skills to address those elephants, our hosts offer a two-consecutive-half-day training program called “Growing Together Through Trust, Candor, and Conflict” to help teams build trust and handle disagreements effectively. They encouraged listeners to reach out for coaching or share their own strategies for dealing with elephants in the room.

Ep 162: Back to School

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Ep 162: Back to School
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Summer’s Over …

David and Margaret explored the dynamics of heading back-to-school — including the anxiety.

They noticed that the parents they have had contact with seem to sometimes experience more anxiety than their children at the prospect of school starting up again, even as the children’s transition back to school is often smooth. And our hosts wonder why this might be.

They speculated about a few causes, including that it might relate to remembering their own anxiety about school.

David shared his personal experiences with school, including challenges in elementary and high school, and suggested that institutional education was not always a positive environment for him. And Margaret remembered feeling a lot of hyperachiever pressure as a child, wanting to be noticed and liked by her new teachers every fall.

Balancing Academics and Social Well-Being

Many parents long for their children to achieve a lot in school — and many have big dreams for their children to go to great colleges. Others want their children to make great friends, to fit in and to be happy. Our hosts wonder: is it possible to check all those boxes at once? Can our children stand out AND fit in all at the same time?

Modern culture often pressures parents to prioritize academic success over other important life skills.

They also touched on the concept of “avoiding” as a common saboteur behavior — and its relevance to parenting. This might look like people who go to great lengths to avoid conflict, including even unpleasant or uncomfortable conversations. And it might be relevant for parents who are struggling with kids who have learning differences.

Dyslexia Awareness and Learning Differences

David shared his personal experience of having an undiagnosed learning difference, specifically with dyslexia. That made both reading and taking tests very difficult for him, as it does for many, many other children. These days, he is a prolific writer and has discovered a new way to read by listening to audiobooks — but school always felt very hard to him. He discussed the importance of recognizing and supporting learning differences in children, noting that more resources are available now than when he was in school.

Margaret talks about the idea of “school brain,” meaning the ways some of our brains are very well suited to how most schools teach — while other kids can be equally smart but struggle with a mismatch in how they process and receive information.

Having had our own learning differences or knowing our children are struggling can spike parents’ anxiety this time of year as their kids head back to school.

The two of them both feel inspired by both the growing movement on LinkedIn, where neurodivergent individuals are claiming their identities and advocating for themselves as well as the evolution of education systems and the recognition of different types of intelligences beyond just rational and analytical skills.

A Hug Doesn’t Make it Worse

David and Margaret discussed the benefits of hugging, citing scientific studies that show hugging boosts the immune system and lowers anxiety.

Next Steps

  1. Listeners who identify with having an “avoider saboteur” can reach out to Margaret or David for PQ coaching.
  2. Here’s a link to the science of longer hugs — at least 20 seconds is optimal.
  3. Go hug someone for a minute.

Ep 161: Finding Gifts and Opportunities in Difficult Circumstances

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Ep 161: Finding Gifts and Opportunities in Difficult Circumstances
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547 Requests for Juice: Annoying or Funny?

Margaret and David discussed the importance of finding gifts and opportunities in difficult circumstances. The topic for this podcast came from a post Margaret wrote for LinkedIn.

The story was about her then-toddler son’s persistent request for juice that felt quite trying at the time, but ultimately became a family joke. Margaret was struck by how sweet and funny it felt in the retelling.

It prompted our hosts to ask: what other episodes from your past might be ready to re-file from difficult to containing a gift or opportunity.

This exercise aligns with their Positive Intelligence coaching program (PQ). The work of PQ, among other things, encourages  leaders to overcome self-sabotaging tendencies like being a controller or pleaser. Through the lens of PQ, Margaret wondered if her strong people pleaser back then benefitted from having to say no to her son 547 nights in a row.

What If It’s Really Difficult To Find the Gifts?

The two discussed the challenges of moving on from past relationships and the process of healing from emotional pain. Sometimes, when we look back at a difficult episode or story, it feels only like touching a bruise. It still feels tender and painful.

David reflected on his challenging graduate school experience. The difficult memory has made it a long process for him to find the gifts. Ultimately, this era in his life led to significant personal and professional growth. He realized he didn’t love engineering and made a career shift toward people-oriented roles.

Many people also struggle to let go of relationships that have ended.  One way to process is to look back at what we loved about the relationship to create a list of “Things I Want in My Next Relationship.” Conversely, we can add negative aspects to our list of dealbreakers.

David acknowledged his difficulty in seeing the gift in relationships that have ended. He knows  ending relationships can open up space for something new, but that still feels more theoretical than gift-like. He talked about still feeling “the tail” that’s left behind, which is really just grief.

Along with the grief, Margaret talks about the way that she sometimes has felt powerless and child-like when she hasn’t been in choice about ending a relationship. She talks about how she’s learning to soothe this historic charge.

Another Opportunity To Practice Self Compassion

David and Margaret discussed the importance of practicing self-compassion. That might be as simple as reminding ourselves that we are human, that something still hurts. It also looks like silencing the voice that tells us we “should” get over something. Self compassion means being kind and gentle to ourselves when we are hurting.

Other  helpful tools include curiosity, gentle self-reflection, and patience. Margaret recalled a challenging past episode in her life in which she applied for and did not get a job she really wanted. She talks about the feeling of hating what it felt like at the time, but also being able to trust that there would be something positive that would come from it, even though she couldn’t see what that might be at the time.

How Do I Start Looking for Gifts?

Our hosts offer one more tool for finding gifts and opportunities in difficult circumstances. David introduced the concept of shifting from a “to me” mindset to a “for me” perspective. This might look like asking oneself this inquiry: What if my life was happening FOR me as opposed of TO ME? How might I see this differently?

They also briefly touched on plans for hosting a retreat in Colorado to further explore these themes.

Finally, they discussed the practice of harvesting energy from difficult emotions, rather than denying or repressing them. They explored how anger, for example, can serve as a catalyst for setting boundaries or taking action. They encouraged listeners to try these practices and offered information about an upcoming retreat.

Ep 159: Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

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Ep 159: Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
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David and Margaret dive into the ways that Leadership and Emotional Intelligence can help when relationships get hard. They announced a free masterclass on June 4th, 2025, to provide tools for improving emotional awareness and communication.

Reading the Space

Margaret shares that for the recording of the podcast, she is wearing an orange sticky note. After a rough relationship moment before recording the podcast, the color orange is for her a symbol of possibility and enthusiasm. This concept is drawn from their leadership training, where they used colors as a code for the hard-to-describe emotions and energy that are often unacknowledged in conversations and in rooms. It’s a way to talk about “reading the space.”

They explain how they learned to recognize what’s in the space by naming colors like blue, which represents permission to feel sadness in service of creating emotional intimacy.

Exploring How Men and Women Differ on Emotional Intelligence

David acknowledged his ongoing journey in emotional intelligence and expressed appreciation for Margaret’s support.

The duo wonder, do men have additional challenges in expressing and recognizing their emotions? Cultural norms often discourage men from expressing emotions and being vulnerable, and encourage anger as an alternative.

They explore the importance of acknowledging and accepting emotions in the conversation without immediately trying to change the texture. Many of us have an impulse to cheer things up or steer conversations away from topics that feel hearvy. And men often seem to be taught to alter conversations rather than accept them as they are. They also touched on the societal expression of anger, noting that while some find it easier to confront anger with anger, this approach can lead to contention.

What Do Leadership and Emotional Intelligence Have To Do with What’s Going On NOW?

The environment of the world right now feels challenging to many — and it can have a big impact on personal relationships. External stressors, such as global and political events, can affect our emotional capacity. And when our emotional capacity feels full or flooded, then we can react unskillfully in personal and professional relationships.

Tuning into world events seems these days to lead to increased stress and emotional fatigue. Many of us are feeling at capacity right now.

For example, the same situations can trigger different reactions, depending on one’s emotional state. When we are calm, we can be spacious. But if we are already stressed out, the same set of circumstances can make us blow.

So what can we do?

Margaret emphasized the importance of skills to help people navigate these challenges, which was the inspiration for their upcoming masterclass, called “Manage Your Inner Chaos.”

One Skill To Start With

One starting point in navigating hard days is to recognize emotional triggers in relationships. How do our hosts know they are triggered?

David shared his experience of feeling judged during a recent Christian men’s group meeting, which led to a physical reaction in his gut. He knows that feeling means he’s getting triggered. David also mentioned that feeling his face and chest flush is another one. It points to feelings of shame, which he has learned to recognize and address, rather than being controlled by them. Margaret described her own physical cues when triggered, which include rubbing her face and fidgeting.

By learning to notice these triggers, we take an important step towards preventing reactive behavior in relationships.

Join Us To Learn More

The the two invite listeners to save their spot at their upcoming free masterclass on June 4th at 12 noon Eastern.

The one-hour session will focus on tools for managing difficult emotions and improving emotional intelligence. It will provide practical skills and introduce participants to a follow-on program about self-sabotage and relationships.

Ep 158: Using Your Mind for a Healthier and Happier Life

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Ep 158: Using Your Mind for a Healthier and Happier Life
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Margaret and David discuss David’s new book, “Using Your Mind for a Healthier and Happier Life.”

David’s most recent book is a series of short essays inspired by Buddhist teachings. It blends principles of psychology, mindfulness, and leadership to provide actionable strategies that foster happiness, health, and resilience in life.

Nuggets of Wisdom, Nuggets of Love

David shares the inspiration for the book, which started with sayings from the Buddha, which have been passed on by disciples and followers.

Many of the early chapters focus on the concept of non-duality, a Buddhist concept. In these essays, David writes about the spectrum between apparent opposites like love and hate.

On the topic of love, David touches on different types of love, referencing C.S. Lewis’s work.

David and Margaret discuss how love might be a bridge to today’s societal polarization. They challenge listeners: how might you use love to begin softening? Margaret and David are on opposite sides of the political spectrum — and have used their friendship and respect for each other not to shut each other down or abandon each other.

If you can’t get to a place of openness using your mind, Margaret suggests a somatic way to open your heart. David introduces curiosity as another tool to open.

A Stoic Father

David discusses his father’s influence on his writing and life philosophy.

David talks about his father’s wisdom as a voice in his head. Much about David was informed by growing up as a philosopher’s son. While his father was not particularly warm or fuzzy, David remembers his father as exuding charm and warmth, especially with students and friends.

David’s father was a Stoic, although David acknowledges that his father’s interpretation of stoicism led to withholding affection. That was both strengthening and hurtful. He reflects on how he now embraces his father’s “less is more” philosophy in his own life, living in a small space with few material possessions.

David’s newest project involves movie quotes, which reflect his father’s love for film.

 

On Anger

David discusses the role of emotions, particularly anger, in several chapters of the book, including how they interact with personal growth and relationships.

In one of the essays, he talks about how emotions like anger should not be denied but approached with caution. Anger, David says, is an emotion served hot. It can be both useful and harmful. Anger serves an important purpose, such as establishing boundaries and motivating action against injustice. But it can be messy and imprecise.

On one hand, it’s essential to express anger and have difficult conversations to relieve built-up tension, rather than avoiding conflict.  But when expressed unskillfully, anger can also be destructive.

Grace is important in dealing with anger, both for the person expressing it and the person receiving it.

A Podcast Rebrand Preview: The Leadership Spelunk

The duo announce a rebranding of their podcast to “The Leadership Spelunk.” Margaret and David are planning to strap on their headlamps and explore some of the deeper crevices of leadership. Expect more details soon.

David’s book Using Your Mind for A Healthier and Happier Life is a transformative guide revealing the profound connection between your mind and your resolve to lead a fulfilling life. Get your copy of the book on Amazon here.

Ep 157: Choice in Personal Growth and Leadership

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Ep 157: Choice in Personal Growth and Leadership
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Choice in Personal Growth and Leadership

Margaret and guest and fellow fundraising professional Jenny Mitchell address the power of choice and its impact on personal growth, leadership and decision-making.

The conversation opened with the age-old nonprofit challenge about how navigating board relationships is challenging for most nonprofit leaders. They explored how choice can help these and other relationships.

As leaders, we always have choices — often more than they initially thought. Realizing this can lead to a shift in mindset and behavior.

We Have More Choice than We Thought

Margaret shared a story about a time she was stuck in a tough relationship, and her close friend reminded her she always had more choices than stay or go. The friend jokingly suggested that a poison dart to the neck is a choice — even if not a recommended one. We don’t have to use all the choices, but knowing we have them creates possibility.

Jenny recalled parenting teenagers and wanting to provide choices to her kids. She found that if she and her kids could co-create the choices, it always went better. She also found power in choosing not to do something, which is, of course, also a choice.

General Strategies To Find More Choice

Jenny introduced the language of “solution strategies.” She finds that the idea of problem solving often creates only two solutions, as well as an idea that one is right and the other wrong. A Solution Strategy focus more on more flexibility and creativity in finding solutions.

They also discussed the concept of taking small steps towards improvement, rather than trying to solve everything at once. Stepping out of overwhelm can often create more choice.

And a third strategy is to discern between the Judger and the Learner. The judge is the one that shuts down an idea as too expensive or already-been-tried. The learner, on the other hand, tries to keep an open mind to possible solutions and explore each idea in the here and now.

Working with Nonprofit Boards Is Hard … Where Can Choice Help?

Difficult board relationships often put things into an “us versus them” perspective.

One place both women see space for choice when working with a board is by choosing to assume positive intent until they prove otherwise.

In addition, Jenny emphasized how useful it can be to choose to slow down and seek to understand others’ perspectives, rather than jumping to conclusions. Asking for a clarification is a solid leadership choice.

Jenny also suggests “mining for mineral rights,” or looking for what might be happening below the surface. Sometimes what people are saying doesn’t communicate what they are actually concerned about.

They also touched on the importance of taking a moment to collect thoughts before responding to challenging situations. In other words, taking a deep breath is a choice too.

We can also choose to disagree and to view disagreement as a natural part of the decision-making process rather than a disaster.

More Conscious Choices for High Achievers

Jenny and Margaret discuss the importance of making conscious choices in professional and personal life, particularly for those in the nonprofit sector. Jenny introduces the concept of “high-value tasks” and suggests breaking complex projects into manageable pieces. Margaret believes there are parallels between scarcity mindsets regarding time and money, and that there is a tendency for high achievers to adopt a martyr mentality. The “rescuer” is a common archetype in the nonprofit sector. Jenny recommends asking ourselves, “If I truly loved myself, what would I do?”

They address how we can choose to manage a situation rather than to solve it.

Switching Mindsets in Meetings Challenge

Jenny offers a challenge to listeners to practice switching from a judger to a learner mindset at the beginning of their next meeting or conversation. She suggests using a physical reminder or visualization technique to help make this shift.

Jenny is the Chief Visionary Officer of Chavender. She is a dynamic speaker, executive coach, host of the Underdog Leadership podcast, and fellow fundraising geek. She is an author of Embracing Ambition: Empowering Women to Step Out, Be Seen, and Lead, which unites 12 exceptional women leaders with one common goal: to share their leadership stories as a mentorship resource for the next generation of women leaders.

Ep 153: With People Slow is Fast and Fast is Slow

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Ep 153: With People Slow is Fast and Fast is Slow
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With People, slow is fast and fast is slow

David and Margaret discussed the significance of Stephen Covey’s saying, “With people, slow is fast and fast is slow.”

Inspired by David’s slow recover from knee surgery — including his choice of entertainment during his convalescence — our hosts talk about what “slow” might mean.

David and his wife, Lillian, are watching an older TV show (David Lynch’s Twin Peaks), and it had them notice that older shows and movies often had longer camera shots and slower pacing. That cadence feels in strong contrast to the faster-paced scenes, dialogue or setting shots of more contemporary entertainment. Our hosts reminisced about how these older works of art demonstrated patience and more focus on detail. These older works moved more slowly.

It had them wondering: what might be the benefits of taking a page from the pace of entertainment from a couple decades ago — to slow down and appreciate details?

 

Balancing Technology and Human Relations

They discussed the importance of slowing down in human relationships.

Technology, they note, may have accelerated to a point where our nervous systems can’t keep up any more. They agreed that technology makes for speedier and efficient communication. But they also note these quick communications often leads to misinterpretation and misunderstandings.

David encourages leaders to think about what might be possible if they slow down in their communications. Specifically, he believes it is possible to recapture their intuition by seeking slower, more intentional communication methods. Even picking up the phone instead of shooting off a text might help avoid misreads and improve relationships.

Margaret touched on the generational aspect of this issue. They concur that some people may be more comfortable with faster communication due to their upbringing with technology.

 

The Art of Slowing Down

David and Margaret look at some areas of leadership, work and relationships that might benefit from a slow down.

The topic of tricky relationships comes up regularly in executive coaching sessions. Often, the solution and repair can only be found by more intentional and slower face-to-face communication.

Another place it might be important to slow down is in our storytelling. There is a strong relationship between patient, artful storytelling and great fundraising and leadership.

Last, slowing down is essential if we want to create intimacy and trust in relationships. Only by slowing down can we lay the foundation for better understanding and connection. Taking time to understand and connect with people will always yield better relationships than rushing.

Putting It into Action

• Listeners are encouraged to find and watch an older movie or TV show (from the 1940s to early 1990s), and notice the slower pacing and longer camera shots.
• Reflect on how patience and slowing down makes you feel when you watch — and how slowing down might serve you in your personal and professional relationships.
• Practice slowing down in your daily life, such as by taking a breath and looking around.

Ep 152: Embracing Disruptive Events and Emotions

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Ep 152: Embracing Disruptive Events and Emotions
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Embracing Disruptive Events: The Paradox of Planned Disruption

Embracing disruptive events and emotions? How in the world is one supposed to do that?

In the episode, as David prepares for an upcoming surgery, David and Margaret have a look at the seeming paradox of planned disruptive events. Examples might include a surgery or significant life changes such as having a friend or family member in hospice, retirement, or making an undesired move across the country.

What is the paradox of such events? We might have notice and can plan for these events — but we still can’t control the ways our lives will be disrupted. And we can’t control the range of emotions that come up when we contemplate known but unwelcome events.

David is anticipating a total knee replacement surgery. But even though it’s planned, it will be quite disruptive.

Such events can evoke a range of emotions, including anxiety, dread, and uncertainty. David was feeling all those emotions.

So how can one be with the anticipation of planned disruption?

 

Allow the Emotions Just … To Be

They explore the wisdom of accepting these emotions rather than trying to suppress them.

They discuss what it feels like when we have more than one emotion at a time. This can feel complicated and disruptive for people.

They also discussed what happens when we surrender to the situation and accept that the event is inevitable. Sometimes, when we surrender and accept the situation, we start the process of embracing disruptive events and emotions. Then, we can turn our focus to the potential gifts or opportunities that may arise from a tough life circumstance.

 

Addressing Medical Trauma and Anxiety

Our hosts talk about one possible reason for dread around an upcoming medical procedure or surgery. That is is the concept of medical trauma. This can happen when people have had negative experiences with doctors that make them resistant to seeking medical care. David shares his concerns about the bodily trauma involved in a major surgery despite being under anesthesia.

Margaret suggests acknowledging the anxiety rather than suppressing it, and finding compassion for the body’s healing process.

David talks about using trust in the unfoldment as a tool for anxiety. He also finds it helpful to stay occupied. Margaret and David concur that not acknowledging anxiety often goes worse than acknowledging it.

They relate the surgery to other life events involving grief and loss.

 

Emotional Impact of Disruptive Events

David and Margaret invite listeners to ask themselves: is it better to know or not know ahead about disruptive events? Are you a person who would rather know (“I’d rather plan!”) or not know (“I’d rather be surprised!”)? And, why?

They concluded by encouraging listeners to reach out for help if they are experiencing any disruptive events in their lives.